V*nessa
2012-01-23 13:18:50 UTC
Had a lovely month off work. It was great to enjoy the lovely summer with
the family. Normally I hate sunny days as it triggers my anxiety but only
when I have the hurdle of going to work. So it was great to actually enjoy
the hot weather. But this morning was my first day back to work and even
though i've been doing so well prior to my holidays I was very anxious. Got
hardly any sleep but forced myself to get on the train despite feeling
petrified. A motto i've always lived by is 'better to try and fail, than
never have tried at all'. My chatty mind was going through all the hoops I
would have to get through.
1. Validate train ticket (Done - now I really have to catch the train yikes)
2. Get on train (Done - focus on how lovely the air-con is for a change it's
working)
3. Get off train and wait for bus. Oh no timetable change means i need to
wait 10 minutes (Done - cleaned out my handbag to distract me)
4. Get on bus (Done - ticket already validated so may as well use it again)
5. Keep busy on bus (Done - updated info in my 2012 diary ready for work -
but won't need it today as i'm not going to work anyway - I'll just grab a
cab and get back home)
6. Walk from Bus stop to work (Done - the very hot morning was actually
quite nice and relaxing - not many people around so felt ok.. may as well
just keep walking another few minutes)
7. Walk into work building (Done - Hmmm maintenance work being done)
8. Get into lift (You do realise this will take you up to your floor - what
if people see me... hey stop thinking and just press 4 - Done)
9. On the 4th floor looks normal, not too bright... may as well go to my
desk (OMG I'm actually at work!!!)
10. Log into computer (Arghhhh forgot my password - quick call to help desk
and all is well)
The rest of my work day was great. Not bad for only 2 hours sleep and a lot
of worry. Hubby called to check on me. Hate that he said "Told you'd be
fine". Well he's right but I don't think he'll ever get how hard it is even
on the good days.
People take such simple things for granted. I had such a skip in my step
when i left work today. I really soaked up the 34C sun and enjoyed it rather
than loathe it for the enemy it is to me at times.
Cheers all and enjoy every good moment you have. Never lose faith. Step by
step you can get out of your home; get through the most anxious situations
and keep going after setbacks.
I have been doing really well for the past year but I still struggle now and
then. Even though not many people visit here these days they still exist and
none of you are alone.
Cheers
V :)
the family. Normally I hate sunny days as it triggers my anxiety but only
when I have the hurdle of going to work. So it was great to actually enjoy
the hot weather. But this morning was my first day back to work and even
though i've been doing so well prior to my holidays I was very anxious. Got
hardly any sleep but forced myself to get on the train despite feeling
petrified. A motto i've always lived by is 'better to try and fail, than
never have tried at all'. My chatty mind was going through all the hoops I
would have to get through.
1. Validate train ticket (Done - now I really have to catch the train yikes)
2. Get on train (Done - focus on how lovely the air-con is for a change it's
working)
3. Get off train and wait for bus. Oh no timetable change means i need to
wait 10 minutes (Done - cleaned out my handbag to distract me)
4. Get on bus (Done - ticket already validated so may as well use it again)
5. Keep busy on bus (Done - updated info in my 2012 diary ready for work -
but won't need it today as i'm not going to work anyway - I'll just grab a
cab and get back home)
6. Walk from Bus stop to work (Done - the very hot morning was actually
quite nice and relaxing - not many people around so felt ok.. may as well
just keep walking another few minutes)
7. Walk into work building (Done - Hmmm maintenance work being done)
8. Get into lift (You do realise this will take you up to your floor - what
if people see me... hey stop thinking and just press 4 - Done)
9. On the 4th floor looks normal, not too bright... may as well go to my
desk (OMG I'm actually at work!!!)
10. Log into computer (Arghhhh forgot my password - quick call to help desk
and all is well)
The rest of my work day was great. Not bad for only 2 hours sleep and a lot
of worry. Hubby called to check on me. Hate that he said "Told you'd be
fine". Well he's right but I don't think he'll ever get how hard it is even
on the good days.
People take such simple things for granted. I had such a skip in my step
when i left work today. I really soaked up the 34C sun and enjoyed it rather
than loathe it for the enemy it is to me at times.
Cheers all and enjoy every good moment you have. Never lose faith. Step by
step you can get out of your home; get through the most anxious situations
and keep going after setbacks.
I have been doing really well for the past year but I still struggle now and
then. Even though not many people visit here these days they still exist and
none of you are alone.
Cheers
V :)
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