hoarding

[Info]

My wife is a hoarder. After 11 years in this house, we now have fruit
flies. She has been on anti-depressants for decades, as have I. also I am
considering leaving her. We don't fight. I ask her. "Would you please put
the stuff away, tonight?" Politely. It doesn't work. She'll often say
"yes" but it doesn't get done. I ask again and eventually it does but
"again" happens so often.

Two days ago we agreed that food cartons and what not be put in zip-lock
bags and then put in the trash can. Until the other night, dishes sat in
the sink for days. We're trying to change that.

I'm in a wheelchair and am on Medicaid and get in-home care from the state.
My aide helps me shower and dress afterwards. I can't put my socks on any
more. He also cleans my bathroom. I slip him $15 every week or so and he
cleans the common area.

Last week she volunteered "Ask Doug to vacuum the whole bed room floor,
please." That includes her side of the room which I can't see. I used to
be able to see it when I could still walk and it was a horrid sight. She
then said something like "No, don't ask him. It wouldn't be fair." I
looked under the bed once and found a zip-lock bag with an empty package of
baloney in it. She's an over-eater. Buries her sorrows in food.


She knows I don't like the mess but she doesn't know that I've begun to
think about leaving. We talked about the amount of work that my aide can do
shortly after I started getting help. She broke down crying saying that she
was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the care I need because of her
habits.

She works from home on a call center. We call the room she works in, "The
Office." It has her computer, desk and all sorts of stuff that it should
have. The trash on the floor, though, is a fire hazard. Caroline also puts
my pills out daily.

If I leave, I'll have to go to a home of some sort. I'm going to make an
appt with our lawyer tomorrow and my therapist also.

[Sheldon]

Post by Info
My wife is a hoarder. After 11 years in this house, we now have fruit
flies. She has been on anti-depressants for decades, as have I. also I
am considering leaving her. We don't fight. I ask her. "Would you please
put the stuff away, tonight?" Politely. It doesn't work. She'll often
say "yes" but it doesn't get done. I ask again and eventually it does but
"again" happens so often.
Two days ago we agreed that food cartons and what not be put in zip-lock
bags and then put in the trash can. Until the other night, dishes sat in
the sink for days. We're trying to change that.
I'm in a wheelchair and am on Medicaid and get in-home care from the
state. My aide helps me shower and dress afterwards. I can't put my socks
on any more. He also cleans my bathroom. I slip him $15 every week or so
and he cleans the common area.
Last week she volunteered "Ask Doug to vacuum the whole bed room floor,
please." That includes her side of the room which I can't see. I used to
be able to see it when I could still walk and it was a horrid sight. She
then said something like "No, don't ask him. It wouldn't be fair." I
looked under the bed once and found a zip-lock bag with an empty package
of baloney in it. She's an over-eater. Buries her sorrows in food.
She knows I don't like the mess but she doesn't know that I've begun to
think about leaving. We talked about the amount of work that my aide can
do shortly after I started getting help. She broke down crying saying
that she was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the care I need because
of her habits.
She works from home on a call center. We call the room she works in, "The
Office." It has her computer, desk and all sorts of stuff that it should
have. The trash on the floor, though, is a fire hazard. Caroline also
puts my pills out daily.
If I leave, I'll have to go to a home of some sort. I'm going to make an
appt with our lawyer tomorrow and my therapist also.

Have you ever tried counseling for the both of you -- together?

[V*nessa]

Post by Info
My wife is a hoarder. After 11 years in this house, we now have fruit
flies. She has been on anti-depressants for decades, as have I. also I
am considering leaving her. We don't fight. I ask her. "Would you please
put the stuff away, tonight?" Politely. It doesn't work. She'll often
say "yes" but it doesn't get done. I ask again and eventually it does but
"again" happens so often.
Two days ago we agreed that food cartons and what not be put in zip-lock
bags and then put in the trash can. Until the other night, dishes sat in
the sink for days. We're trying to change that.
I'm in a wheelchair and am on Medicaid and get in-home care from the
state. My aide helps me shower and dress afterwards. I can't put my socks
on any more. He also cleans my bathroom. I slip him $15 every week or so
and he cleans the common area.
Last week she volunteered "Ask Doug to vacuum the whole bed room floor,
please." That includes her side of the room which I can't see. I used to
be able to see it when I could still walk and it was a horrid sight. She
then said something like "No, don't ask him. It wouldn't be fair." I
looked under the bed once and found a zip-lock bag with an empty package
of baloney in it. She's an over-eater. Buries her sorrows in food.
She knows I don't like the mess but she doesn't know that I've begun to
think about leaving. We talked about the amount of work that my aide can
do shortly after I started getting help. She broke down crying saying
that she was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the care I need because
of her habits.
She works from home on a call center. We call the room she works in, "The
Office." It has her computer, desk and all sorts of stuff that it should
have. The trash on the floor, though, is a fire hazard. Caroline also
puts my pills out daily.
If I leave, I'll have to go to a home of some sort. I'm going to make an
appt with our lawyer tomorrow and my therapist also.

I think your wife may have OCD. If so, she can't simply just start clearing
her stuff even if she knew you were thinking of leaving. If she has this
illness she needs psychological assistance. It's not a matter of laziness.
Just like we can't just 'snap out' of depression or anxiety. But understand
your frustration. It would be very hard to live with. If you love her, work
through this with her Info. You have been through a lot. You can get through
this too.