I'm taking clonazepam; but social situations still terrifying

[alexzi]

Dear group,

this is a continuation to the previous question I posted to Margrove.
I want to ask if anybody can relate to the following:

I'm taking a benzo and feeling fine. I'm walking downtown. The street
is busy. Both with pedestrians on the sidewalk. And cars on the road.
Lots of stimulation. That's no longer a problem for me since being on
my benzo. Then, one of the pedestrians approaches, it's a friendly
acquaintance from church. We make eye contact, and then we make small
talk. She starts talking about about the weather, when suddenly my
anxiety spikes and my face gets tense and frozen-like. I can no longer
make eye-contact. My facial-expression feels frozen, inappropriate,
and unfriendly. I cannot control my facial-expression; it is mask-
like. I continue listening, but still look downward.

The point I am making is that my anxiety was fine one minute, and
fifteen seconds later I am completely tense. I am convinced that the
cause is NOT the other person, nor the content of the conversation. It
seems to be related to making eye contact. NOTE: I do _not_ have this
problem on the telephone.

I'm extremely hurt by this phenomenon. Happens all the time. It drives
me to drink. Can anybody relate?

thanks

Alexzi

[Mary]

Post by alexzi
Dear group,
this is a continuation to the previous question I posted to Margrove.
I'm taking a benzo and feeling fine. I'm walking downtown. The street
is busy. Both with pedestrians on the sidewalk. And cars on the road.
Lots of stimulation. That's no longer a problem for me since being on
my benzo. Then, one of the pedestrians approaches, it's a friendly
acquaintance from church. We make eye contact, and then we make small
talk. She starts talking about about the weather, when suddenly my
anxiety spikes and my face gets tense and frozen-like. I can no longer
make eye-contact. My facial-expression feels frozen, inappropriate,
and unfriendly. I cannot control my facial-expression; it is mask-
like. I continue listening, but still look downward.
The point I am making is that my anxiety was fine one minute, and
fifteen seconds later I am completely tense. I am convinced that the
cause is NOT the other person, nor the content of the conversation. It
seems to be related to making eye contact. NOTE: I do _not_ have this
problem on the telephone.
I'm extremely hurt by this phenomenon. Happens all the time. It drives
me to drink. Can anybody relate?

I don't have this feeling very often, but sometimes I feel somewhat tense
and a bit dizzy and lightheaded when talking to people, but it doesn't
happen with everybody I talk to. It happens at other times too when its
nothing to do with talking to anybody. I think its general anxiety though I
realize its within myself, but I may not feel anxious at all. It's like my
nervous system is not working right or something. Its a strange feeling and
I hate it. I sometimes get the same feeling when driving for a few minutes
especially when traffic light is red, then it goes away for a while, but can
come back. I think the very fact that it comes and goes, causes it to be
more frequent as I am afraid it will come back. Other times its not there at
all.

Do you think you might sometimes have social anxiety when talking to people
since you say it happens most of the time you talk to someone and by looking
at them since you say it doesn't happen on the phone. Have you always had
this feeling when talking to people? or just since taking klonopin? Does the
feeling only happen when talking to people you don't know very well?
As I was saying in my last post to you, maybe someone who can relate to you,
will drop by. I am always hoping it will get busy here again since its the
end of summer...

Mary

[Vitara]

Post by alexzi
Dear group,
I'm taking a benzo and feeling fine. I'm walking downtown. The street
is busy. Both with pedestrians on the sidewalk. And cars on the road.
Lots of stimulation. That's no longer a problem for me since being on ...

I'd say this environment is still has a certain level of stresses in
it.
How much tension might be hidden someplace down inside ... I myself
try to keep a running monitor of .
And careful about adding very much to it.

Post by alexzi
my benzo. Then, one of the pedestrians approaches, it's a friendly
acquaintance from church. We make eye contact, and then we make small...

{ Feeling each other out? Trying to sense if a more serious
discussion might open up. Trying to sense if the two of you have a
lot in common?
/ In a hectic physical environment? Um, d'ya want my honest opinion? }

Post by alexzi
[small ] talk. She starts talking about about the weather, when suddenly my...

Yeh/she's kicking back; to let whatever comes to mind ... emerge out.

Post by alexzi
anxiety spikes and my face gets tense and frozen-like. I can no longer
make eye-contact. My facial-expression feels frozen, inappropriate,
and unfriendly. I cannot control my facial-expression; it is mask-
like. I continue listening, but still look downward.

Maybe she thinks it was her.
Hope no damage to the friendship happened :) :) :)

At very least she knows something went wrong. Not just a little thing
either. She knows a button got pressed.
But she is puzzled.

Am glad U r going to church BTW. It is a special, called community
and ppl are more considerate, by a bit, than out in the cold world.

Post by alexzi
The point I am making is that my anxiety was fine one minute, and
fifteen seconds later I am completely tense. I am convinced that the
cause is NOT the other person, nor the content of the conversation. It...

How about the cause being an ABSENCE of any content. So a person
doesn't know what is expected of hir.

Post by alexzi
seems to be related to making eye contact. NOTE: I do _not_ have this
problem on the telephone.

Okay ...

Post by alexzi
I'm extremely hurt by this phenomenon. Happens all the time. It drives
me to drink. Can anybody relate?
thanks
Alexzi

First thing I can relate to is the unpredictability of an anxiety
attack. (My 1st and worst one was not at all in a situation where I
thought I was tense.)
If the likelihood of a panic COULD be predicted then I think one could
turn one's attention in 2 seconds to deal with it ...

Am interested in how to possibly get ppl to understand I have this
condition. Get them to understand I may have to break part or all of
the contact .... <Chuckle> "Excuse me. I'm having an accident.
(As when running toward a restroom.)" I hope that is not too rude an
example. Now the thing is to let these people who matter to me know
AHEAD of time, that I may need to break off and quit interacting.

Now for eye contact. Yes!, I do have a hunch eye that contact could
be a much bigger deal than most people think. "Windows of the soul,"
they say. I have always given less eye contact than normal people
do. Mother thot I should try to modify that behavior; Dad didn't care/
he was mind-on-mind :) :)
So the thing would be, IMHO, on a day when one is not exactly on top
of things ... and figuring one needs to confab with someone a little
bit, take precautions and say, "I'm probably going to not be strong on
eye contact. I have this nerve condition ya' know.. But I'll listen
and be honest with you and ... "

BTW I've gotten a hearing aird recently, and talk to ppl all the time
about "that* imparement.
They cut me slack. :) :)

Searching < "eye contact" anxiety > I find "males give less eye
contact and females smile less . "
Tho psychologists are concerned with eye contact, yes or no, I'm more
concerned with the *content* of it. I will reserve a glance into
someone's eyes for emphasis. To be sure they are paying attention.
When I'm ready to say something important, I'll start to fix 'em with
my eyes.
OTOH if I realize someone is staring at me a LOT, not blinking,
nothing. I often think they are insensitive, not following what I am
saying
(an indeed when I ask, find they are NOT following well) so I start
getting out of there. LOL

BTW I've come out of the closet in the last couple years. Lots of
people now know I have "nerve problems," and some know it a little
more detailed than that. Tho I haven't had a panic for
*considerable* years, several times in say the last 2 weeks I had the
thot, "Here it comes."
Will pro'ly never be certain that I'm out of the woods.
// Well with the coming out, I'm feeling more and more free ... that
if I had an attact, I could just tell the person. And that I may have
to leave.
// In the old days I'd just stick it out and they'd never kno9w what
was going on insideMe

You mention small talk. Well if some people can be at their
leisure ... and communicate non-information and just share and be
together -- seems to ME that should not be an occasion for anyone
suddenly to get upset. I mean ... um, the idea I'm building here
is : often people have a talk because there is something to
negotiate. Some information needed, /plans to be made,

Case in point : Next weekend I have to make a trip. And planning is
needed here in these next days. If I'm talkin' to someone and -- well
I'm not sure I don't have some subconscious anxiety -- but I need to
do business, about changing brake pads, then I'll go ahead. To talk
of brakes. But if I chance on someone who just wants to bat the
breeze, I better feel on top of the world and there be nothing hectic
happening either ...............

Again I, well I don't give as much eye contact as a lot of people.
And I don't see why I should HAVE to. I *answer* personal questions,
I ask personal questions -- pushing a friendship again and again to a
new level. If a normie just gets bothered because I don't give him
all that warm-fuzziness by gazing deep into his eyes, well *darn*, too
bad. Pfffftt . In my view it is all about conformity
and living in a fish-bowl society.

So Alexzi you have my support for being sometimes a little more
remote -- and a lot more comfortable. True-blue people like their
friends to be comfortable.

good luck,
-Paul

Post by alexzi
--

[Tennessee Tony]

Post by alexzi
Dear group,
this is a continuation to the previous question I posted to Margrove.
I'm taking a benzo and feeling fine. I'm walking downtown. The street
is busy. Both with pedestrians on the sidewalk. And cars on the road.
Lots of stimulation. That's no longer a problem for me since being on
my benzo. Then, one of the pedestrians approaches, it's a friendly
acquaintance from church. We make eye contact, and then we make small
talk. She starts talking about about the weather, when suddenly my
anxiety spikes and my face gets tense and frozen-like. I can no longer
make eye-contact. My facial-expression feels frozen, inappropriate,
and unfriendly. I cannot control my facial-expression; it is mask-
like. I continue listening, but still look downward.
The point I am making is that my anxiety was fine one minute, and
fifteen seconds later I am completely tense. I am convinced that the
cause is NOT the other person, nor the content of the conversation. It
seems to be related to making eye contact. NOTE: I do _not_ have this
problem on the telephone.
I'm extremely hurt by this phenomenon. Happens all the time. It drives
me to drink. Can anybody relate?
thanks
Alexzi

Hi Alexzi,
I go through about the same exact symptoms. All my life I've dreamed of
having a "normal" social life. It led me to drinking also and I became
a full blown alcoholic. It's been close to ten years since I started to
seek professional help for my anxiety... and it's been that long since I
last used alcohol. I do take benzo's and I'm better than I was, but
life still is far from easy. I went through the eye contact thing just
last night. Oh how I wanted to run away from this person but I just
couldn't. I get so worked up that I can't end the conversation, I'm
just "stuck" there. I sometimes try to stare just above and in between
there eyes, they can't tell, but my method still isn't foolproof and I'd
still rather just turn and walk (or run) away.

Well what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone, and most people
can get relief, especially if they get CBT therapy.

Tony

[V*nessa]

Post by alexzi
Dear group,
this is a continuation to the previous question I posted to Margrove.
I'm taking a benzo and feeling fine. I'm walking downtown. The street
is busy. Both with pedestrians on the sidewalk. And cars on the road.
Lots of stimulation. That's no longer a problem for me since being on
my benzo. Then, one of the pedestrians approaches, it's a friendly
acquaintance from church. We make eye contact, and then we make small
talk. She starts talking about about the weather, when suddenly my
anxiety spikes and my face gets tense and frozen-like. I can no longer
make eye-contact. My facial-expression feels frozen, inappropriate,
and unfriendly. I cannot control my facial-expression; it is mask-
like. I continue listening, but still look downward.
The point I am making is that my anxiety was fine one minute, and
fifteen seconds later I am completely tense. I am convinced that the
cause is NOT the other person, nor the content of the conversation. It
seems to be related to making eye contact. NOTE: I do _not_ have this
problem on the telephone.
I'm extremely hurt by this phenomenon. Happens all the time. It drives
me to drink. Can anybody relate?
thanks
Alexzi

Hi again

I don't experience the same issue with eye contact so sorry can't relate.
But others have given you great advice. You will know that self medicating
with alcohol is only going to make matters worse. If you can get into CBT
therapy you may be able to examine the triggers to these attacks. They may
be out of the blue or there may be a pattern of thinking you are not even
conscious of. Our self talk is very powerful and we can convince ourselves
we are in danger when we're not really.

All the best.

V

[Sheldon]

Post by alexzi
Dear group,
this is a continuation to the previous question I posted to Margrove.
I'm taking a benzo and feeling fine. I'm walking downtown. The street
is busy. Both with pedestrians on the sidewalk. And cars on the road.
Lots of stimulation. That's no longer a problem for me since being on
my benzo. Then, one of the pedestrians approaches, it's a friendly
acquaintance from church. We make eye contact, and then we make small
talk. She starts talking about about the weather, when suddenly my
anxiety spikes and my face gets tense and frozen-like. I can no longer
make eye-contact. My facial-expression feels frozen, inappropriate,
and unfriendly. I cannot control my facial-expression; it is mask-
like. I continue listening, but still look downward.
The point I am making is that my anxiety was fine one minute, and
fifteen seconds later I am completely tense. I am convinced that the
cause is NOT the other person, nor the content of the conversation. It
seems to be related to making eye contact. NOTE: I do _not_ have this
problem on the telephone.
I'm extremely hurt by this phenomenon. Happens all the time. It drives
me to drink. Can anybody relate?
thanks
Alexzi

Been there. Everything is fine one minute, and the next your anxiety seems
to build for no apparent reason. Not sure, but it sure sounds like some
kind of social anxiety. Ask yourself a few questions: Do you like this
girl? Would you like to go out with her? Do you have no social interest in
her at all? For a guy, it would not be unusual to be anxious or nervous
around someone they are interested in. Some meds can help as can forcing
yourself into more social situations.

I will say that I honestly think many of the things you were thinking were
not happening and your mind was blowing things out of proportion. I doubt
your face went through the changes you say, but I'm sure your mood did
change. I've found it can help a lot to just go with it and not fight
whatever is happening. Sometimes it can even help to admit you are anxious,
saying you are under a lot of stress or maybe you are taking some meds that
are making you anxious. Even "I've really had too much coffee today."

Good luck with this. I bet it will pass.